PUNCHLINE WANTED

     Fast-growing planet with over 6 billion inhabitants seeking self-depreciating punchline for near-infinite number of opportunities requiring other skills. Candidate must be familiar with disappointment but retain some shred of desire for non-financial-based success. Must be submissive, weak-willed and afraid of change. Must be able to withstand imagined humiliations and fictional attacks on all levels of the self, e.g. appearance, intelligence, hygiene.

Job Description

     We need someone to help our website get Googled a cubic shit-ton more than it does now so we can make that sweet ad revenue. Candidate must be comfortable with a career that will have zero effect on anything that actually matters; we are not looking for an asshole who will curse a career with us as a deathbed regret. Our company is currently hiring in America. White privilege will be taken into account, and we prefer males age 24-39.

Job Requirements

The ideal candidate will have:
• 4-year college degree in, fuck, it doesn't really matter
• Minimum 5 years experience doing something he/she has never done, or has done but not professionally so it doesn't count
• Familiar with SEO, HTML, QVC, FUPA, and STFU
• A flair for hive-mindedness, thinking/speaking/living like us
• Limitless ability to grin sincerely while eating big bowls of shit

Organization Overview

Our company offers a fantastic benefits package that includes insurance, some breaks once in a while, a vacation, and 401,000. We also have excessive artificial lighting and one of the best Two Minutes Hate in the industry. Flirty married coworkers are available for casual drinks during most evenings.

If you think you've got what it takes then tape your resume up at a bus stop and wait for us to call.